For example, if it is loneliness, can you go out with your friends a little more often? Can you join a club or group where you will meet people who have similar interests to you? If your self-esteem is low, can you start doing the inner work you need to regain this? If you want to feel loved, can you start to start practising more self-love for yourself through healthy eating, exercise, yoga, meditation and more rest time.
Always ask yourself ‘Is this loving for my mind, body and soul?’ If you find out your WHY then you are more likely to choose a partner who will fit in with you and your life better, rather than someone who you are hoping will fill the gaps in your life.
Are there feelings of not being good enough to date? Do you feel that no one will date you because you have children? Is there a fear of rejection? Do you have a habit of sabotaging relationships so that you don’t get hurt again? Is there anyone you need to forgive? You may be harbouring resentment and anger towards parents, friends and family, not just your ex.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools to creating a life filled with love and attracted a soul mate relationship. Take a look at your belief systems around love too. What was the relationship with your parents like? What type of relationship did you have with your mother and father? These relationships shape our belief systems around love and have an impact on all areas of our life, not just in love. Is there anything you need to be aware of that is driving your belief systems?
These will be deep-rooted in the subconscious part of the brain which amazingly makes up 95% of the brain. Do you have a belief on men or relationships in general? It is very likely that unless you are aware of your subconscious belief systems, these are ruling your thoughts and actions around love.
Meditation will also help you to become aware and in control of your thoughts so you can control your mind. If you can control your mind, you will control and direct your life in the direction you want.
We meet people in life for a reason, and so it is more than likely everyone you date is going to teach you something about yourself or help you decide what you do or don’t want in a relationship. Until there has been a conversation around being exclusive, dating more than one person will help you to make a decision who stands out, who puts you first and who is worthy of your love. It also means you won’t be putting too much pressure on one person.
|Charlotte Lewis, Creator of The Love Life Agency|
A great idea is to write down all the people you think would be happy to act as a babysitter for you if you ever needed them. You probably have a lot more people who are willing to help you out than you think. If you know that your ex has the kids at a certain time in the week or month, schedule that day or evening as a self-care and date time. If you find someone you want to date, then you already have some time to fit it in – and if you don’t find someone you can take time out for yourself, which is equally as important. It is important to let go of any guilty about spending time away from your kids – it is more than likely that your kids want you to be happy and find love again.
Online websites such as MeetUp are great because you join groups and arrange social events with like-minded people. Specific dating sites are also useful in meeting the type of man you desire. I was super clear about the type of relationship I wanted and met my boyfriend on a Jewish dating site! Again let your female intuition guide you here to decide what is right for you.
Although who you date is up to you, if you decided to become a family then your children should definitely be included in the process. It is important to realise you are not just dating, but potentially starting a new family.
It's easy to get caught up in the feeling of falling in love and the excitement it brings, but it is so important to make your children feel loved and included in your life. It is sensible to address their fears when dating by asking questions such as ‘I understand that me dating may scare you as you may feel that our family is going to change/you will lose me as a parent/that you think I won’t love you anymore, but I want you to know that you are very important to me and I want you to come to me and tell me how you are feeling if you need to.’
The Love Life Agency offers weekly coaching videos that include tools, challenges and goals for you to work towards that will motivate and support you on the path to finding true love. Charlotte also offers 1-2-1 coaching programmes for men and women who want to work with her on an individual basis.
If you would like a free 30-minute coaching call as an introduction, please send an email to email@example.com to arrange.
This guest post was written by Charlotte Lewis.