I remember when I was 15 I realised, like all teenagers, that we are not immortal and one day I would lose my mum and it was such a blow to me that I suffered my first bout of clinical depression. I didnt know this at the time and after a few months of crying, sleeping all the time, not eating and isolating myself I finally got myself out of it.
But that fear of losing my loved ones has remained in the back of my head, mainly because I've feared that once they are gone, that might be it forever.
Three years ago I finally summed up the courage to see a medium that a couple of my clients had recommended. I'd always been sceptical because I'm aware there are a lot of scammers out there, so only chose this particular one because of the personal recommendations.
I made sure she only knew my first name and no other personal details and I was aware not to say anything other than yes or no during the session to avoid giving anything away.
When I got there she was lovely and so welcoming. She explained that spirits of people who knew me as well as spirit guides are around me, and she will talk to whoever chooses to come through with messages. She sat on one sofa and I sat on the other. She told me not to give her any information and she spoke to the empty chair on her sofa where spirits spoke to her.
It was an amazing session, as she gave me specific names, physical descriptions and memories linked to each person that came through. She said they would give her memories of things they had done with me when they were alive so she could prove to me they were real.
I even had people who I didnt know come through with messages for my nan, and I then found out from nan that these were people in my family from earlier generations!
They gave me advice on my current situation and even were able to tell me about the state of my flat (I was redecorating at the time) and who my ex was hanging about with (this was at the point he had just left me and my 6 week old to take heroin).
The biggest thing I got from this session was relief and assurance.
Relief and assurance that we do go somewhere when we die, and most importantly that I will still get to watch over my son when I have left this world.
I'm so scared of him not having someone because he doesn't have his dad or any full siblings to turn to when I'm gone, so for him to know I will still be around and watching out for him may provide him with some reassurance, especially when he has Mother's Days without me.
If you're unsure about it but also intrigued, you can contact mediums online if the thought of visiting one terrifies you. I definitely recommend it, but make sure you go for those that have high recommendations!
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