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Wednesday, 26 March 2014

What Makes My Mum So Special

As Mother's Day drawers closer, I'm aware of how much I feel for my mum, but of how little I say it to her. In fact the last time I think I told her was when I was about 9 or 10, and I wrote her a poem for Mother's Day, which still hangs on her bedroom wall to this day.

At the point of writing the poem, I had huge respect and love for my mum, as she was my one constant, secure person in my life. At that time I didn't think it was possible to love her anymore than I did, but little was I to know of all the horrific things my mum was going to face for the remainder of my childhood until present day, and how this in turn would test my strength and stretched my heart even more with love and admiration for her.

When I was 12, we had a car accident on the motorway, involving a coach and a number of cars. Out of all the vehicles and people involved in this crash, my mum was the only person injured.
She got permanent nerve damage in her neck and shoulder, because as we were hit from a car behind us, her immediate response was to turn and check that me and my sister were OK, and as she did this, we hit a car to our left and then swung and hit one to our right. These hits caused the damage, and all because she was being a good mum and making sure we were safe.

Admittedly, I do feel guilty about that, but now that I'm a mum, I would do exactly what she did!

From that point on, the nerve damage caused severe migraines at least 3 to 4 times per week, that would result in my mum being bed-bound, numb on the right hand side of her body, constant vomiting and severe head pain. This was very scary for me to observe when it first started to happen, and I remember rubbing her back as she was being sick in the middle of the night, because dad rarely stayed at home anymore at that point. As an adult, I can see now that my dad just couldn't handle having to care for the woman who up until then did everything for him and the children. So I had to take on his role when he wasn't there, as the eldest child.

At school I could hardly concentrate, as I always worried about how she was (these were the days just before mobile phones became popular), and often went to the toilets just to cry.
I had to get two buses to school, because mum was not well enough to drive, and this started to teach me how to grow up fast.

Sometimes the migraines were so severe that mum would end up in hospital after having mini-strokes. I was pulled out of English class once to be told she had had another one, but I was to remain in school. Didn't get much work done for the rest of the day!

A few times a night I would creep into her room and listen to her, just to make sure she was breathing. I also remember sitting at the bottom of her bed and just watching her, with silent tears running down my face, praying in my head that someone would stop this pain.

Now 18 years on, and mum still has these migraines a few times a week, but somehow she just deals with that pain. No medication stops the pain, which I still find so astounding, as we have successful medications on the market for far more complex health problems!

Over the years, my mum has also been diagnosed with an incredibly rare disease: Cushings Disease.
This has resulted in two brain surgeries (and stays in intensive care afterwards) to remove the pituitary gland which controls our bodies hormones. She is now on steroids for life, and if she were to miss a dose, she would die. Cushings has also caused diabetes, to the point that she is now insulin resistant, and has to use a trial drug from the USA, as well as various other medical conditions.

More recently, she has been diagnosed with severe liver disease, thought to be from the huge amount of tablets my mum has to take on a daily basis for life.

All this and she is only 49.
My dad left when I was 17, to be with another woman that he had been seeing for two years prior to him leaving.
For those two years leading up to him leaving he did not utter one word to me or my sister, and we basically looked after our mum, and also maintained school/college.

Cushings can give people a round face, round tummy and very thin legs (it eats away at the leg muscles), so my mum has had to also battle with very little confidence in going out to socialise to make friends or meet potential partners.

Despite all of this, the person I most admire in the entire world is my mum. She is the strongest, kindest, most empathic, kind and loving person I have ever met, and as a mother she is outstanding.

Whilst going through some of her worst physical pain, she would always try to push through in order to make sure me and my sister were fed, taken to places and looked after. She has always put my sister and me before her own needs, and continues to do this even though we remind her it's now our turn to look after her!

As a grandmother she is phenomenal; my son adores her and she is always the one he seeks comfort from even more so than me!

If I could be even a fraction as good a mother as my mum is, then my son will be one lucky boy.

My mum is my role model, my inspiration, and she has made me the strong, independent, intelligent, secure and loving woman that I now am today, and I thank her for this from the very bottom of my heart.

I love you mum, and this poem that I wrote for you all those years ago still stands:

Ever since I was a baby
You have been my leading lady
Taking over the centre stage
Loving me more with growing age
You've been there when I've cried
You've seen through all my lies
You made me a very happy girl
When you brought my baby sister to the world
We've seen good times
We've seen bad times
You've been with us through them all
And you've never let us fall
You've taught me to read and write
The difference between wrong and right
You've shown me how to think about others
Their friends and mothers
How to be kind, to love, to care
To stand up for myself, what's fair
And to be proud of my beliefs and faith
So now it's my turn to show you how I feel
That on this day you are reminisced
About us as babies, you giving me a kiss
The tantrums, the moods
The coming of age far too soon
The tears, the laughs
The fears, the baths
But the main thing I want to say
Is on this very special day
I always have, do and always will
Love you
Happy Mother's Day!

Love Claire

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  1. And now I'm welling up. My goodness me, what a wonderful tribute to your mum. She sounds like a remarkable lady and is clearly your rock. Lovely post :)

    1. Thank you so much! She is most definitely my rock- thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  2. What a beautiful poem! #loudnproud

    1. Thanks- that was back in the day when I was still vaguely creative! thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  3. I cried while reading this, it's a very moving post. What an amazing mum you have, I don't blame you for being proud x

    1. Thank you so much! She is definitely a mum worth being proud of I agree! thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  4. Oh my word- crying all over my computer!
    What an amazing post, and an amazing mum.
    Wishing you all the Happiest Mothers Day Possible.

    1. Bless you, thank you for your compliments, means a lot! thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  5. sweet. made me want to go and hug my mother. but she is far =(


    1. hug her through a poem?! thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  6. Such a beautiful post (and what an amazing poem for such a young child). You have a brilliant mum and you are a brilliant daughter. Thank you so much for sharing this with Loud 'n' Proud. x

    1. Aww thanks! Yeah I was quite the poet back in the day, wish I still had that skill! thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  7. Oh, wow, crying at my desk. What a beautiful post and what an amazing mum you have x #loudnproud

    1. Thank you Sara, she is amazing! thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  8. This made me teary-eyed! Your mum must also be so proud of you. If I were your mum, I'd be too. Yes, I agree with you. Your mum is a wonderful and lovely mother. #loudnproud

    1. I hope she is proud- from look on her face when she read this post I think you might be right! thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  9. Definitely filling up with tears right now. Your Mum is a wonderful lady, and so, so brave.
    She is an inspiration to us all.
    You're both very lucky to have each other :)

    1. Will tell her that, she needs a self esteem boost! thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

  10. I'm filling up reading this, your mother is a very brave woman and you are an amazing lady, well you seem to have had a brilliant role model.

  11. What an absolutely beautiful post and complete and utter testament to you and your Mum and your relationship. You sound like very strong people - both of you. Thank you so much for sharing with #PoCoLo x

  12. Aww! Such a beautiful post!
    Your mum sounds like a wonderful lady x

  13. Your Mum is so brave - we never meet but please tell her that from me x

  14. What an amazing woman. How heart breaking, to have to suffer so much so constantly. Please tell her the Internet thinks she is awesome.

  15. Aww she sounds absolutely amazing and I bet she'll cherish this post forever. Happy Mother's Day to both of you xx

  16. Wow. I think this will make up for not telling your mum since you were 9 or 10. What a lot she has had to cope with. And you too. A lovely post for Mother's Day. I hope you have showed your mum! x #PoCoLo

  17. I am welling up here. What a beautiful, beautiful post. Your mum sounds like the most amazing lady. #pocolo

  18. Grace & Lucas - We think your Mum is awesome and we just want to give her a XL MEGA High-5 for being such an AWESOME mum, and because it's Mother's Day tomorrow #pocolo

  19. Oh, I am crying! Such a beautiful post and poem. She sounds like a very special lady x

  20. Such a beautiful post and what an incredible Mum, was very moved reading about the crash. Thanks for linking up to #brillblogposts please add my badge or link back. thanks

  21. As I wipe tears from my face, I want to say a big thank you to you for such a moving post. Thank you to mums everywhere xxx

  22. Oh my what a life, that poem is lovely though , thanks for linking up #thankfulthursdays

  23. That was beautiful xx

    Jill cordner