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Saturday, 7 September 2013

Returning to the Dating Game as a Parent...

I'm at a very weird stage of my life right now, as I finally feel ready to be with someone again (oh how I miss sofa snuggles, bedtime cuddles and an adult to talk to and make me cups of tea in the evening!), but the thought of returning to the dating game petrifies me.

I keep telling myself I'm going to start attempting a social life again,- go speed dating/clubbing/house parties etc, to meet the love of my life (or at least have fun while he's busy), but then I find excuses not to do it.

An example is my weight: I feel determined to lose the weight so I can feel like me again, and wear all the clothes I used to love wearing on nights out, but then I think about going out and immediately open the fridge and eat... When attempting to analyse this, I wonder if I'm staying fat to ensure I won't get hurt again, because nobody will come near me looking as I currently do.

I also feel like I am seen as a less attractive catch because I have a small child- I never dated men if I knew they had babies when I was younger, and the only guy I did date that had kids never bothered to see or pay for them, so he was like a non-parent anyway!


People reassure me that there are men out there that take on other men's kids, but I hate that wording. 'Take on' makes me feel like it's some punishment they're willing to go through to have me.
My son is the only good thing about me, so he is the thing I should promote with pride!

How do I start sorting this negative thought-cycle out?

I need to start challenging my thoughts CBT style (cognitive-behavioural therapy)- so whenever I start finding excuses not to go out (e.g. I feel so down I want cereal or biscuits), I need to stop and tell myself 5 qualities about myself that are worth dating. I need to challenge my 'hunger' and every little excuse I use to avoid going out (e.g. "I have no friends to go out with"-make some! "I have no sitter as my family childmind whilst I work"- Pay for one!).

And if all that fails, I need to remind myself of a quote that always works for me:

"IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS DID, YOU WILL ONLY EVER GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT".

In other words, if I don't start changing the way I do things, and the way I feel about myself, I will only ever end up with the types of men and life I had before (or no men at all).

I've never been in the dating game as a parent, and it SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME!

I now have to date someone that's worthy of me and my boy. It will stop me dating people that are soooo awful hopefully, because whilst I may not have standards for myself, I certainly have standards for my boy, so that's definitely the one bonus of being a single parent dater!

Does anyone have tips for raising my motivation (to diet, get out there etc) or tips on getting back into the dating game as a parent? 

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