Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Leaving An Emotional Abusive Relationship and Moving On

It's been a tough few months, and if I'm honest with myself it's been a tough year.

As you know I got into a relationship with a much older man more than 18 months ago and it was my first serious relationship since Chunk's dad.

We had a holiday to Spain in May last year and we did the same again this year, and having that full-on time where we didn't get on (both holidays) made me realise that I should have ended the relationship after the first holiday a year ago.

I've not been happy in that relationship for 14 months out of the 18 months and I'm disgusted at myself for putting up with a relationship which made me so unhappy. What I have come to realise now is that whilst he seemed like a "nice guy" to everyone that knows of him, behind closed doors he is different with his partners.

When I didn't want to do something, be it in the bedroom or just in general, he would say manipulative things that you could see as emotionally abusive. He would talk about how his previous partners would do these things and would find ways to try to make me feel abnormal or selfish for not doing them too.

If I didn't act in a certain way or if he did something wrong and I stuck up for myself my punishment would be weeks of him not contacting me.

One of his exes got in touch with me last week (she is happily married with children so is not bitter or trying to win him back) and she told me she endured five years of manipulation, control and emotional abuse from him. The story he had told me about her cheating was in fact him as the cheater. He even hoarded newspapers back then which she said is his form of control. His house is full to the brim of newspapers in every room except the bathroom. I was concerned about this and did often say things to him, but he denied he had a problem.

He had strict routines for himself and had expectations of how I should look and act especially in front of his friends and acquaintances. He wouldn't threaten me or be obviously manipulative. It would be said with a smile and subtle digs about me wearing trousers and how I looked better with no make up and in dresses and high heels.



Some of his manipulation I managed to avoid because I am stubborn and I won't be told what to do, but on my weaker days he did control me and I'm angry for allowing him to do so.

I started to notice what some would call gaslighting in the last few months. We would sometimes play fight where I would poke and prod him etc, but he always returned it harder to the point where I would bruise ( I never did it that hard to him hence why he never had a mark). I would show him the bruise the following morning and he would tell me that I must have pinched the area myself to create the bruise and pretend it was him. One bruise was huge on my inner knee, which is an area I cannot accidentally knock and I certainly never pinched myself to make a bruise.

He wouldnt let it go and continued to make out it was me doing it to myself. The worst was when he hit my ear so hard it hurt for two weeks and the doctor said it was swollen inside. He did it but denied it and then justified it saying I shouldn't have play fought with him.

I get so cross with people who just settle for someone because they think they can't get better or don't deserve better, because that's no way to live a life.

I've been living that life for 18 months. I'm a hypocrite.

I spent three years trying to get over Chunk's dad and the pain he brought to me and my family, and during this time I seemed to attract guys who only wanted to use me. So when this older guy came along and actually wanted to be with me I gave it a go.

He wasn't my type at all and I didn't find him attractive, but people told me 'it's not all about looks, and people grow on you'. I didn't like Chunk's dad initially, but when I got to know him and fell for his personality I also fell for his looks. I assumed the same could happen again but it never did.

When I compare my three previous serious relationships with this one, I can see that it lacked chemistry, connection and attraction. Some may call that shallow but it's really not because without it you are just friends.

Testing BIC KIDS Pens, Crayons and Pencils

Chunk broke up from school today and already I'm worrying about how to fill up the six weeks for both of our sanity's!

I'm hoping to do lots of arts and crafts, as well as reading and maths to try to keep his mind active before he returns to school in September.

We have been sent some pens, crayons and pencils from the BIC KIDS new range to test out and I'm hoping these will be enjoyed over the coming weeks.

Testing BIC KIDS Pens, Crayons and Pencils

The BIC KIDS Kid Couleur 12 Pack (RRP £2.99) are felt pens which don't include mess, so I won't need to do endless washing to try to get pen stains out like I have done all of this school term!

The BIC KIDS Evolution Ecolutions colouring pencils (RRP £2.99) are ultra-resistant, wood-free pencils. They have resistant chew-proof lead and don't splinter which is great for kids as young as Chunk.

BIC KIDS Plastidecor crayons (RRP £2.99) are great for young kids aged 30 months plus. They are quite difficult to break which is brilliant and they are easy to sharpen.

Chunk has been messing with the felt pens today and came up with a picture of his family (awww).

Testing BIC KIDS Pens, Crayons and Pencils


Wednesday, 7 June 2017

The Importance of Outdoor Play for Children

I was shocked recently to find out that there are more than 1,000 children being referred to hospital due to obesity. According to playground equipment supplier ESP, one in three children between 2-10 years old are overweight.

Further research by Liverpool John Moores University found that the average amount of exercise a child does during school PE lessons was low, and 68% of the lesson is spent with the child being stationary.

My son is in his first year at primary school so to see these results is a worry for me. I was always overweight at school because I preferred exercising my brain to my body, and I do regret this to an extent. I want my son to have a good balance of physical and mental exercise, to keep him healthy and hopefully to keep any possible hereditary depression at bay.

I'm currently the Chair of a voluntary group who are trying to improve our local park, because in the area I live it's the only park we have and all the equipment is rotten or broken. I have to take my son out of area to go to another park which means we don't go as often as I would like.

Our Rundown Park


Monday, 5 June 2017

I'm Back... It's Been A Busy Few Months!

It's been a manic few months of both great and really difficult times, and it's sadly meant that I've neglected this blog.

It's been good to have a break from it in some ways, as I now feel refreshed and able to bore you with my rants, ideas and parenting highs and lows.

Here's a round-up of just some of what's been keeping me busy lately...

Holidays

The week before May half term I took Chunk to Spain and it was lovely. It went far too quickly, but it was just the relaxation I needed. We went to the same place as last year because the hotel was fabulous and there was lots to do if we got bored of lounging by the pool.

Chunk got to practice some of his Spanish that he's learning in Reception and I got to block out a lot of my current stress which sadly returned the second we landed back in the UK.

Very tempted to try save up for a September break though before year one starts!


A post shared by Claire (@singleparentpessimist) on


Health

Exercise is down, weight is up... but I thought about this a lot during my holiday and I'm determined to get back into a healthier way of life.

Monday, 8 May 2017

Toy Review: Scooby and Puzzle

During the holidays we managed to have a lot of days out, but now he's back at school I've been looking at ways to entertain him in the late afternoons when we want to chill at home.

He was sent a couple of great toys this week which have thankfully been great for after school, so thought I would share them...

Scooby Madness

Scooby Doo Mystery Mini Vehicle and Mini Figures by Character are great little toys that don't cost a packet. The vehicle set is part of a range of three vehicles, the Monster Trawler, Monster Catcher and Monster Motorbike. They each come with an action figure and are aimed at children aged three and above.

We got a Mystery Minis figure pack to go with the vehicle, which contained two figures. These packs contain a mixture of the good guys and baddies, and we managed to get Scooby himself alongside a zombie figure.



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